Have you ever wondered what your path would have been if only you dared to be fearless?

Enough said about the ways we choose to find our path in life. Nevertheless, how we plan to execute our passage determines the level of expansion we will experience. With this in mind, part of the self-reflection process is to explore those untapped nudges. That includes those that do not depict our experiences and lessons learned while working or living our daily lives. Our life journey is essential, but our unknown, unexpected nudges play a key role in actions we take toward our path.

So, how do you recognize the untapped nudges that will expand your life? When you:

Feel Restless

Ask yourself why do I feel uneasy? And as you explore your question, make sure you don’t confuse tiredness with the warning from your intuition. Simply recognizing how often and when those emotions perk up is not enough, so pause and take time to quiet your mind and listen to your inner self. When our intuition nudges us, it shows up when we least expect it and when our guard is down. Being aware will guide you to a place of consciousness, trust, and action. It is common to question our feelings; don’t, because your nudges will continue until you listen. And if you do not, the universe will take care of it for you. So, you choose!

Are unaligned 

Have you had that feeling that something does not feel right, but you cannot pinpoint it? Take the time to assess your surroundings and ask yourself what has changed or is happening? You will be surprised by what you find—it will be the biggest eyeopener. So, pay attention without questioning yourself and dismissing your feelings; notice your environment, people’s actions, behaviors, and intentions; it will all begin to make sense. When you stay true to your nudges, you will understand that those emotions are the signs of your next expansion.

Lose interest 

Are you struggling to connect? Are you bored or uninspired? Well, you may have lost your purpose, your spark, what brings you joy. Your daily routine has dimmed your light, causing you to doubt where you are in the moment. So, don’t settle; take the time to assess your perspective about where you are to determine your next step. Then, tune into those untapped nudges for guidance to find your way into the path of expansion unapologetically. 

Expansion is uncomfortable for all of us! However, my experience with growth has genuinely transformed the way I show up to the world. Through the transformation process, your mindset shifts differently: how information is perceived, how we see things, and how we interact with our environment.   Always be ready for the unexpected with the help from your nudges. 

Be fearless! It is never too late to find your way.  Have you been ignoring your nudges?

The recent racial events have sparked certain feelings that I have suppressed for many years. These moments of injustice and subtle systemic racism bring me to express my experience as a Puerto Rican-American, Latina.

I am a person of color; however, my skin is not black or brown. So, where do I fit within this category? This identification continues to be the profile that follows me throughout life and the magnet that connects me to a racial term that is misleading. So why does this matter, you might ask?

Some may say that I am not Puerto Rican because I was born in the United States, but the reality is that the cultural upbringing instilled in me defined who I am. While the home was where language and culture were preferred and celebrated, the society depicted me as a Spic when they could label me for being soundly different.

In the mid-60s

My family was a victim of a riveting fire that caused unexpected homelessness and relocation to a public housing development. A neighborhood where Jewish residents lived and a Boston section where blacks settled in and bought homes. That influx of blacks was the proliferation of white residents fleeing to the suburbs, known as the “white flight.” We were one of the first Latino families to move to the projects, as it was called.

In the mid-70s

Not aware or even fully understanding what was happening around me, there was a political court order to implement the Racial Imbalance Act: busing and desegregation. The execution of the Act exasperated the racial tensions that were already in turmoil and accelerated whites’ departure. Imagine being a young person in the middle of a political and civil rights crisis trying to understand her own racial identity and being at the mercy of others to lead the way. These crises oppressed my sense of belonging and genuinely tainted my place in the community. The Act’s implementation was impactful, highlighting a level of shame and embarrassment about my culture and identity that I could not fathom.

Desegragation Busing

To make things more complicated, the State of Massachusetts enacted the bilingual education law, where Latino students got bused to schools outside their community, and I was one of them. Surprisingly, the City assigned me into a bilingual program with students who only spoke Spanish, creating a sense of confusion. That abrupt assignment was difficult given that my educational experience was primarily attending classes in English.

Growing up in a predominantly black neighborhood as a white Latina during busing and desegregation will forever live in my memory as a time of invisibility and hidden individuality. Being bused around the inner City undeniably created racial discord among cultures that injured my being. As I attempted to venture outside my bubble, I was bullied, dismissed, and judged by blacks, browns, and whites. These mistreatments were heart-wrenching, teaching me the survival construct that shaped my reality into silence while creating barriers that suppressed the injustices endured and the skills needed to navigate a persistent structural racist system.

I, too, have experienced a system designed to persecute minorities from accessing education, health care, housing, and employment which are basic fundamental necessities. I cannot even imagine how my parents had the courage to fight through every taunt, push, shove, beat, and tolerating the injustices so that the family can have a better life in the future. As a first Puerto Rican American generation like my parents, My siblings and I paid a personal price to send a political message of presence that escalated to verbal and physical assault by those outside our bubble. They freely inflicted their anger, frustration, and racial disagreements upon us.

Moving Forward

I can live my life with anger at those who hurt my family and me; however, I choose to fight against those who use power, words and language to intimidate. As I reflect on my experiences, whether in the community, the workplace or elsewhere I am reminded that people’s self-interest, stereotype, bias and prejudice is within them and it is not my responsibility to educate them but to speak up when it is necessary. Now, in terms of the political and racial terms used to define a person of color? I believe it is misleading and dismissive to those whose skin color is not black or brown, leaving us excluded and invisible within our race and as a person of color in America.

Here are some of my learned lessons

• Forgive those who do not know better.
• Be aware of those subtle and unexplained feelings or assumptions…….clarify for understanding.
• Lead with truth and perspective in a non-judgmental way.

I am a proud Puerto Rican who does not allow others to define me, who does not apologize for who I am, and who speaks up for equity and equality. 

All said and done; I know that the truth always prevails! I, too, matter as a person of color…..do you?

Find your life’s purpose! What do you mean? Some people know early on what they want to do “when they grow up,” I challenge that, do you?  Well, based on my experience and conversations with others, I must say many of us have lost our way of being in our life purpose and others have moved on with their passion.  So I ask, are you following your passion, or are you on the path to your life’s purpose? 

I can say that my journey in life has been chasing my passion not necessary for my life’s purpose.  The idea that my life needed to be better to fulfill my desire to help others is what drove me to pursue a future.  Now, what that future was going to look like, I was clueless.  I had no plan or direction, only the determination to do something.   What seemed simple to achieve suddenly became foggy and blurred with a multitude of turbulence.   

Consequently, the passion felt empty and unfulfilling.   What I realized is that we become outstanding at learning the intricacies of our passion that we dismiss the nudges that guide us to our purpose.  It has been clear that many of us get into our line of work because of our exposures, environments, or influences.  We become hypnotized by our surroundings and the passion and guidance of others that it takes us through a linear path with blinders on both sides.  

It is not until we stumble, reflect, or check-in with ourselves that we begin to understand our true walk of life.  It does not matter whether or not you are content with your current status, at some point our nudge is so strong it forces us to sit still to listen.   You see, there is a lot of noise around us distracting our inner thoughts that we fail to recognize the signs.  Whether it is planning our next move, or being in constant chaos we do not take the time to assess our journey.  That is where our life’s purpose takes a back seat.

I believe ambition and influence play a huge role in why people leave their life’s purpose behind.   We quickly forget what makes the essence of our soul a vital force of our existence.   It is our desire that motivates us to create a huge protective bubble that overlooks our vision.   Regardless of the enticements, passions, and perceptions, it is up to us to stay focused on what beats our drum and moves our soul. 

Our life purpose should not be a chore but a breeze that blows inspiring energy that captivates our soul.  Sometimes, we jump many hoops before realizing the efforts we expend on our passion and the way it has inhibited the intentions behind finding our life purpose.  How many times have we talked with people whose passion has hindered their ability to pursue their life’s purpose?  What have you done?  We take these types of conversations for granted missing the opportunity to help someone explore those inner nudges.  So I challenge you to ask yourself why don’t you ask?

Be brave and explore those nudges, it may be that gentle prod reminding you about your life’s purpose!

It is never the right time to talk about a feeling that unexpectedly takes over you during uncertain times.   Sometimes our heart pounds, our stomach feels unsettled and our imagination takes off into a dark space.

The thought of the unknown travels in our minds with force and confidence that seems unstoppable.  And, unless you quickly react and reflect on the feeling, it pulls you into a hole of fear.    Yes, fear, it is that word and feeling that puts us in a place of doubt.  

Imagine being fearless with an indescribable ambition, feeling untouchable with a forgiving nature and a confident presence.  It is not until you have to make unfavorable decisions or take a leap of faith that you realize the immense emotions, feelings, and energy it takes to put yourself in a place of vulnerability.   These are the situations that provoke anxiety and fear that hold us back to pursue our dreams, to speak up or stand up for ourselves and to see beyond our limits.

I believe we are so afraid of disappointing others, fearful of failure and being rejected that we lose sight of our values and true self.   Fear is so institutionalized in our being that it is constantly fighting to get out of our own confined space.   It has a way of engaging us with superficial thoughts that creates an unnecessary mind racing that transforms into feelings of uncertainties.  These feelings are the ones that question our self-worth, silence us into doubt and freeze our intentional movements.

I have learned to pay attention to my feelings when making decisions, connecting with people and being confronted or criticized.  It has brought me peace to understand the importance of practicing self-reflection to help me identify any feelings of fear and to give me space to process.  For years, I struggled with the multitude of emotions without connecting it to the reaction.    It was through the process of self-reflection that I recognized the connection between our feelings and our reactions.   

My fear is an energy that forces me to step into my inner-self, to self-reflect and to redirect the reaction into an observation that sparks transformation in a moment of presence and awareness.  I no longer permit fear to interrupt my precious moments with doubt; however, I acknowledge the feelings as a way to stay in tune with my fears.

What are you doing to keep your fear to a minimum?

There is no place like home!  Who would have thought that a corner wall of my home would make me feel so vulnerable, but safe at the same time?  Never did I ever think I would spend time reflecting, battling thoughts and feelings, and challenging myself against all odds.

It all started when my children no longer needed me—-many would tell me that is a good thing; I would say it was one of the toughest moments in my life.   My eldest daughter was working multiple jobs, graduating from college, and preparing to get married; my youngest was working and heading to college.   I was looking forward to the “empty-nester” phase of my life many boasted about.   Little did I know and what people failed to tell me were the emotions and phases I would experience before the happy “empty-nester” period.   I thought somehow it magically happens and life is good.  Well, that was not my case, I got a taste of freedom-no one was calling, needing or asking me to do something—I could do my own thing without worrying about others. It did not feel right.  Then, one day it hit me, who am I?  Am I loved? Where is everyone?  

Sometime during my excitement of being free, going to work without morning hassles and doing things for myself felt worthless. I yearn for my children to need me, so I filled my time with meeting friends and becoming a workaholic.  However, that did not fill my void.  For me raising children was about sacrificing my time, my individuality and surrendering my sense of self. Nurturing strong, stable, independent and responsible women meant they could stand on their own two feet without regret and fear.  So, why could I not do the same?  I was always helping others, fighting for fairness and equality, and being available for my family and friends. However, in a blink of an eye, everything seemed to vanish and I felt alone. 

My feeling of loneliness took me to a place of isolation and withdrawal and shook me to my core.  Behind my happy-go-lucky persona, I was on the verge of a breakdown that I could not explain or have the strength to find my way out.   For months my fatigue and anxiety increased to a point of uncontrollable exhaustion until my husband came home to find me sitting at my kitchen table sobbing without consolation and not being able to share my feelings.   All I could say was “I am not happy, I don’t know what to do with myself” I could not explain what I was feeling.   He simply took my hand—-looked into my eyes and said, “You need to make yourself happy; I can’t do that for you” and just like that, a light bulb went off. Those simple words guided me to begin my healing voyage with the help of a professional therapist.

I was raised to be a strong person, not to complain and to get things done regardless of its difficulty.  So, I filled my time with work, projects, friends, and entertainment—-pretty much something to disregard my feelings.  I do not recall advice about the value of spending time with myself—–my inner soul; it was about appearance, helping others and being of service.  Although I love these teachings, I asked myself: what about my feelings and how should I deal with them?   One of the many lessons I learned was not to suppress my feelings and to ask for help from someone I felt comfortable with…I had to stop pretending everything was fine or perfect!  My experience has truly taught me to:

• Be open to listen and to receive help;
• Spend time with self despite how frightening and unsettling it feels;
• Explore the things that make you happy;
• Understand this phase will pass;
• Not rely on others for approval or to make you happy;
• Dare to be different and bold;
• Establish boundaries despite rejection;
• Be vulnerable and loving;
• Be true to yourself and your imperfections; 
• Heal yourself without judgment.

So, remember to create a space that makes you happy and to take time to sit quietly with yourself.    Now, take a few moments to share some of your self-care practices. I would love to hear from you.

Believe in yourself
            in the power you have
            to control your own life, day by day
Believe in the strength
         that you have deep inside,
         and your faith will help
         show you the way
Believe in tomorrow
         and what it will bring
Let a hopeful heart carry you through,
         for things will work out
         if you trust and believe
         there’s no limit
         to what you can do.
 
By:  Emily Matthews

Have you ever thought, what am I doing? Where am I going?  Well, that was I in my early years ambitious but unclear. The “believing in yourself” poem inspired me during a time in my life that was hectic with the responsibilities of being a young mom, wife, student, worker and community activist.   My life was moving so fast it felt like a rocket without direction and too much motion.   

Sometimes I think how did I ever make it so far without falling on my face.  Then I realized that my determination, ambition and desire to prove others wrong propelled me into actions that I believed was my ticket to happiness and success – I lived a life full of disappointment and uncertainty.   

The poem was given to me by my husband to carry with me every day, I did.  He gifted me this card when we began dating, I was 17 years old and still in high school.  It served as a reminder that at the end of it all things will work out. I was moving 100 miles per hour without taking a breather or spending time with friends and family.  I was too busy chasing success that I lost my sense of self, what I believed in and the one thing that kept me going every day, the poem.

For years I inspired and motivated others, shared my wisdom and sought approval to reassure my place in the world.   I disguised myself as the perfect person instead of sharing some of my challenges and disappointments.  I never wanted to burden others with my pain; but, I, too, needed the encouragement, support and motivation I was offering to keep my energy up.  I was drained, lost, and the sad part of it, no one noticed or even asked.  

Life has a way of turning your world upside down to force you to take a pause. For many years, I have been non-stop until an unforeseen moment that required me to reassess my life’s journey.   After thirty-five years of floating on water, I found myself searching for my life’s purpose once again.  Surprisingly, the poem I lost reappeared into my life while I was decluttering my home office inside a black pocket-size cardholder.  I could not believe it was still in my life it brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face as I read it out loud recalling the moment my husband gave it to me during a time I was unsure about my future.  Just like that it showed up to once again inspire me to get my life back on track, to keep my faith, believe in myself and trust that things will work out the way it is supposed to be.    I have learned many lessons one of them being:  life is not a linear path as we think, but a rollercoaster of losses, strength, and courage.